GENESIS REVISITED A SCIENTIFIC CREATION STORY
By Sri Leachim Remresh
In the beginning--specifically on October 23, 4004 B.C., at noon--out of
nothing (actually the quantum foam fluctuation) God created inflationary
cosmology out of which our universe was triggered by the Big Bang. He saw that
the Big Bang was VERY big, too big for creatures that could worship him, so He
created the earth. And darkness was upon the face of the deep, so He commanded
hydrogen atoms (which He created out of Quarks and other subatomic goodies) to
fuse and become helium atoms and in the process release energy in the form of
light. And the light maker he called the sun, and the process He called fusion.
And He saw the light was good because now He could see what he was doing. And
the evening and the morning were the first day.
And God said, Let there
be lots of fusion light makers in the sky. Some of these fusion makers appear to
be more than 4004 light years from Earth. In fact, some of the fusion makers He
grouped into collections He called galaxies, and these appeared to be millions
and even billions of light years from Earth, so He created tired light so that
these fusion makers only appeared to be that far and the 4004 B.C. creation
would be preserved. And created He many wondrous splendors such as Red Giants,
White Dwarfs, Quasars, Pulsars, Nova and Supernova, worm holes, and even Black
Holes out of which nothing can escape. But since God cannot be constrained by
nothing, He created Hawking radiation through which information can escape from
Black Holes. This cosmic loop hole made God even more tired than tired light,
and the evening and the morning were the second day.
And God said, Let
the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the
continents drift apart by plate tectonics. He decreed sea floor spreading would
create zones of emergence, and He caused subduction zones to build mountains and
cause earthquakes. In weak points in the crust God created volcanic islands,
where the next day He would place organisms that were similar to but different
from their relatives on the mainlands so that still later created creatures
called humans would mistake them for evolved descendants. And in the land God
placed fossil fuels, natural gas, and other natural resources for humans to
exploit, but not until after Day Six. And the evening and the morning were the
And God saw that the land was lonely, so he created animals
bearing their own kind, declaring Thou shalt not evolve into new species, and
thy equilibrium shall not be punctuated. And God placed into the land's strata,
fossils that appeared older than 4004 B.C., and the sequence resembled descent
with modification. And the evening and morning were the fourth day.
God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creatures that hath
life, the fishes. And God created great whales whose skeletal structure and
physiology were homologous with the land mammals he would create later that day.
Since this caused confusion in the valley of the shadow of doubt God brought
forth abundantly all creatures, great and small, declaring that microevolution
was permitted, but not macroevolution. And God said, Natura non facit
saltum--Nature shall not make leaps. And the evening and morning were the fifth
And God created the pongidids and hominids with 99% genetic
similarity, naming two of them Adam and Eve, who were anatomically fully modern
humans. And in the ground placed He in abundance teeth, jaws, skulls, and
pelvises of transitional fossils from pre-Adamite creatures. One he chose as his
special creation He named Lucy. And God realized this was confusing, so he
created paleoanthropologists to sort it out.
Just as He was finishing up
the loose ends of the creation, such as putting the pit in avocados, God
realized that Adam's immediate descendants would not understand inflationary
cosmology, global general relativity, quantum mechanics, astrophysics,
biochemistry, paleontology, and the other ologies, so he created creation myths.
But there were so many creation stories throughout the world God realized this
was confusing, so he created anthropologists, folklorists, and mythologists to
sort it out.
But confusion reigned in the valley of the shadow of doubt,
so God became angry, so angry that God lost His temper and cursed the first
humans, telling them to go forth and multiply themselves. But they took God
literally and 6,000 years later there are six billion humans. And the evening
and morning were the sixth day. So God said, Thank me its Friday, and He made
the weekend. And He saw that it was a good idea. ------
About the author: Sri Leachim Remresh is a vedic philosopher from India who
presently lives in the United States and periodically performs psychic readings
on the radio, particularly on Milt Rosenberg's show in Chicago. Despite the best
efforts of skeptics to debunk him, including an expose on Rosenberg's own show
by a prominent skeptic, Remresh continues to flourish.